you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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