My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
