i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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