"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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