It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
