plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
