I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
