i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
