i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
