I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
