anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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