Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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