if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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