It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
