when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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