i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
