Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize