I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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