is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.