I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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