You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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