I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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