Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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