Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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