I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
