Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
