i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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