my soul wont recognize me after tonight
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
