its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
