1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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