I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
