you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
