When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.