Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...

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  (405): I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ... http://tfl.nu/68st
  Replies (16) Good night (3221) Bad night (575)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites

  (1-516): View more from New York

  Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?

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  (516): Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites (1-516): Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class? http://tfl.nu/4qhs
  Replies (23) Good night (3203) Bad night (519)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?

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  (630): which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november? http://tfl.nu/f9dy
  Replies (52) Good night (1059) Bad night (5650)
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  (315): View more from New York

  if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!

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  (315): if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all! http://tfl.nu/te8n
  Replies (15) Good night (4492) Bad night (801)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old

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  (201): At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old http://tfl.nu/03p8
  Replies (9) Good night (4473) Bad night (798)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

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  (734): she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help. http://tfl.nu/iorj
  Replies (29) Good night (1427) Bad night (5106)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

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  (503): Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general. http://tfl.nu/8yi1
  Replies (9) Good night (4884) Bad night (1050)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.

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  (205): She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends. http://tfl.nu/ogdq
  Replies (5) Good night (946) Bad night (2463)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.

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  (317): I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do. http://tfl.nu/7c6c
  Replies (18) Good night (3509) Bad night (1004)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.

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  (573): ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME. http://tfl.nu/9twm
  Replies (4) Good night (1657) Bad night (820)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.

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  (904): Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions. http://tfl.nu/qtln
  Replies (4) Good night (553) Bad night (1911)
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  (516): View more from New York

  History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.

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  (516): History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad. http://tfl.nu/o7dx
  Replies (3) Good night (1529) Bad night (427)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.

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  (207): Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me. http://tfl.nu/5y8e
  Replies (5) Good night (376) Bad night (1024)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.

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  (901): My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume. http://tfl.nu/vvcp
  Replies (2) Good night (626) Bad night (298)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!

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  (+61): I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five! http://tfl.nu/d35d
  Replies (4) Good night (551) Bad night (221)

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