Plan B is the new Plan A
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family