Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(740): View more from Ohio

i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.

Fav 55 8644 1423
share tweet
(336): View more from North Carolina

I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead

Fav 19 1771 4904
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(718): View more from New York

He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.

Fav 12 3233 1324
share tweet
(641): View more from Iowa

This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.

Fav 13 1854 1011
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(865): View more from Tennessee

God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.

Fav 1 1455 797
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.

Fav 4 1360 654
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

I just had sex on a roof

Fav 4 927 526
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(843): View more from South Carolina

i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again

Fav 0 11 52
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(719): View more from Colorado

Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home

Fav 0 49 1
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT