If i come over, it means nothing
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂