great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
