This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
