i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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