I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?