If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
