and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
