fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
