if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
nutella sex= disaster
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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