i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
