I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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