Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize