After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
