is your mom at the bar?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
