Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
