I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
