Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
