dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
