we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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