her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
being pregnant is like rehab
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Randomize
