Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
