She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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