i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
