I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
