I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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