I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
