Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
