she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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