I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
