Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
