Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
