I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
