If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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