don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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