I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
