Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
