so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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