So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
