She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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