This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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