If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
