I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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