ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
