When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
