Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
