Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
