Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
