Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
