You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
