oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The power of my boobs compel you
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
