Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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