How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
