her vagine was all disorganized.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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