please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
