Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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